The Gang Gets Nomenclatural

Because we can't get enought of each other as it is, the Earhole staff comes together (virtually cuz we're hi-tech) to discuss a predetermined topic each week. We've termed this #StaffChat. If there's anything you'd like us to discuss, let us know in the comments, on Twitter, or on Facebook.

This week, we talked about names. The ability to name something is a powerful thing -- there are no laws. (Warning: latter portion of link's audio is NSFW. Employ headphones.) Sometimes, parents and bands abuse this power and come up with truly awful names for their offspring or vehicle of artistic expression. We focused (mostly) on the bands that produce good music but have frustratingly bad names.

dkataja [9:00 PM] Carolina Victory
squints [9:00 PM] INDEED
squints [9:00 PM] stillman and theo on the same court at once = magic
squints [9:00 PM] but that's not why we're here
importer [9:01 PM] nah man
importer [9:01 PM] it's not
treske [9:01 PM] hello esteemed colleagues
dkataja [9:01 PM] white boys make noise
squints [9:02 PM] so you guys may have noticed recently i've been super into a group called We Have Band
squints [9:03 PM] they were my pick for filet mig last week, and i featured them on fresh pot this week
squints [9:03 PM] i'm stuck though. the music's really good, but it's a really shitty name
squints [9:03 PM] thoughts?
squints [9:03 PM] here's some tunes while you're thinking
importer [9:03 PM] i like em
importer [9:03 PM] but not their name
squints [9:04 PM] yeah i agree. they go by WHB a lot, which is fine. also this video is terrifying
squints [9:04 PM] but i was trying to think of other examples of bands with fantastic music, but bad names. you guys got any?
treske [9:05 PM] yes
treske [9:05 PM] the quintessential for me
treske [9:05 PM] BON IVER
treske [9:06 PM] So let me go into this a little. I don't have too many issues with the name, it's French, I'm cool with it.
squints [9:06 PM] "filet mig with a hard g"
treske [9:06 PM] But he puts the listener in a precarious position. 1. Do you say it correctly at the risk of sounding like a douche? 2. Do you say it incorrectly at the risk of sounding like an idiot? It is a no win situation
treske [9:07 PM] I have been put in that situation way too many a time
treske [9:07 PM] BUT... his music is awesome. And Kanye is a homie
squints [9:07 PM] that's how i feel ordering belgian beer. i never thought of it, but that's good
squints [9:07 PM] also
dkataja [9:08 PM] Correctness over other's perception, @treske
dkataja [9:09 PM] Also, I've got one
dkataja [9:10 PM] So I'm from Concord, NC. Some people know Concord for it's heinous amount of highway construction. And it is heinous
dkataja [9:10 PM] Others (many more others) know it for NASCAR
dkataja [9:11 PM] I used to absolutely love NASCAR, and it's honestly the reason Concord exists and is not trees. I can hear the racetrack from my house.
dkataja [9:11 PM] A popular, well-named NASCAR driver is Dale Earnhardt, Jr. A pretty popular, horribly-named band is, well...
dkataja [9:11 PM] [9:12 PM]
you know dale jr. 100% supports the band? it's pretty awesome
treske [9:12 PM] YIKES
squints [9:12 PM] this song took a left turn
dkataja [9:13 PM] and then 800 more
importer [9:13 PM] :caruso:
squints [9:13 PM] oh shit that was completely unintentional
squints [9:13 PM] also it turns out i had music playing from another tab and so what i thought was super experimental polyrhythms was actually just two different songs
squints [9:14 PM] still though
dkataja [9:14 PM] If it led to a great dad joke, I'm all for it
squints [9:15 PM] yeah i'm not mad at this song at all
squints [9:15 PM] i'm also surprised at how easy the band's name is to google, i thought i was going to be one of those !!!-ish impossible google searches
treske [9:16 PM] SEO masters as well as terrible band namers
dkataja [9:16 PM] I've said the hook of that song to girls before
dkataja [9:16 PM] I swear if you didn't see me, you weren't on the dancefloor
squints [9:16 PM] speaking of it, that's a pretty good example of what we're talking about.
dkataja [9:16 PM] Babes be like "yeah I didn't see you"
squints [9:17 PM] try typing !!! into the youtube search bar and seeing what happens
dkataja [9:17 PM] Yeah, you have to type "chk chk chk"
importer [9:17 PM] me and giuliani down by the school yard is a hilarious song name
importer [9:18 PM] speaking of bad names
importer [9:19 PM] a lot of rappers have cool names
importer [9:19 PM] joey bada$$ isn't one of them
importer [9:19 PM] treske [9:20 PM] ughhhhh
squints [9:20 PM] he was doing the long con building up to b4.da.$$. that's the only explanation
squints [9:20 PM] because that, on the other hand, is incredible
importer [9:20 PM] has to be. has to be! HAS TO BE!
treske [9:20 PM] there is not anything less badass than naming yourself Joey Bada$$
treske [9:20 PM] The dollar signs are really what gets me
importer [9:20 PM] very true, blew my mind when I heard the album title for the first time
squints [9:21 PM] alright here's a debate. what would be a better name: joey bada$$
squints [9:21 PM] or joey gooda$$
importer [9:21 PM] Joey Beats
treske [9:21 PM] second
treske [9:22 PM] Ill take joey gooda$$ with the appreciation for the irony at play
treske [9:22 PM] joey super-sayain$$?
treske [9:22 PM] I feel like that could be a winner
importer [9:22 PM] Joey Bar$
dkataja [9:23 PM] Joey LookAtDatA$$
squints [9:23 PM] joey dolla $ign
treske [9:23 PM] Joey Lemur$$
importer [9:23 PM] His alter ego is Jozif Badmon
importer [9:24 PM] which is so much better than his real rap name
dkataja [9:24 PM] Damn. He was gifted the golden goose and he just let it go for free
squints [9:24 PM] alright here's another one. what otherwise awesome band name would become the worst by substituting dollar signs for S's
squints [9:25 PM] and why is it Jefferson $tar$hip
importer [9:25 PM] The Rolling $tone$
dkataja [9:26 PM] ¢oldplay
squints [9:26 PM] $$ top but the dollar signs are backwards
importer [9:26 PM] that would actually be the best
treske [9:27 PM] ok... I got another bad name
treske [9:27 PM]

treske [9:28 PM] Great music... but French Kiwi Juice?
treske [9:28 PM] It doesn't seem as bad when you read it silently, but when you are recommending FKJ to people and you say it out loud? not pleasant
squints [9:29 PM] this song is fuego btw
treske [9:29 PM] Also, everyone knows Latvian Kiwi Juice, the prog rock band from the 80s
squints [9:29 PM] ...i actually googled that
importer [9:29 PM] you and french names treske
treske [9:30 PM] I can't escape
dkataja [9:30 PM] Would kiwi juice produced in France even be good?
dkataja [9:30 PM] Do the French grow kiwis?
squints [9:31 PM] seems like something not at all adept to that environment
importer [9:31 PM] or is it juice from the French Kiwi islands?
treske [9:31 PM] see... it provokes needless questioning
importer [9:31 PM] idk if they're french doe
squints [9:31 PM] why did i just google where kiwis are grown
importer [9:31 PM] fun fact
squints [9:31 PM] it's new zealand. of course it's new zealand
treske [9:31 PM] lololol
importer [9:31 PM] first family cat was named Kiwi
dkataja [9:32 PM] Ok Porter no cats
dkataja [9:32 PM] I've got another one
importer [9:32 PM] pugs < cats
dkataja [9:32 PM] BLASPHEMY
importer [9:32 PM] #shotsfired
squints [9:32 PM] wait can i get one first
dkataja [9:32 PM] go for it
dkataja [9:32 PM] i have to go cry in a corner for awhile
dkataja [9:32 PM] and look at pug pictures
squints [9:33 PM] only because this is the exact opposite of treske's: fine (actually great) name normally, awful name abbreviated
squints [9:33 PM] Cansei De Ser Sexy
squints [9:33 PM]

squints [9:33 PM] in portuguese that roughly translates to "i got tired of being sexy." but when you abbreviate it, you get...CSS. i spent so much time writing CSS at work that i cringe at it
treske [9:34 PM] this video doe
importer [9:34 PM] Music Is My Hot Hot Sex
treske [9:35 PM] I love the dude vibin on the keytar
treske [9:35 PM] killin the game
dkataja [9:35 PM] I've long regretted my decision to play guitar instead of keytar
importer [9:36 PM] i got another
importer [9:36 PM] a love them or hate them band with a love it or hate it name
importer [9:36 PM]

dkataja [9:37 PM] Love the band and the name
squints [9:37 PM] it is that time of year isn't it
importer [9:37 PM] it's my christmas
treske [9:37 PM] Really?
dkataja [9:38 PM] Shppin up to Boston ended up being one of the great rage songs that graced pregames in college
treske [9:38 PM] That just seems ludicrous
dkataja [9:38 PM] Honestly, on St. Patty's Day I just drink for Porter
importer [9:39 PM] I will most DEFINITELY be putting together a St Paddy's Day playlist
treske [9:39 PM] Yeah... One of the more overrated holidays IMO. Pretty useless. People just pinch you which used to be SOOOOO ANNOYING
importer [9:39 PM] how about celebrating Irish roots by celebrating and being with friends
importer [9:39 PM] psshhhhh
treske [9:39 PM] Also, people forget that you can get blackout drunk on any day you want
dkataja [9:39 PM] People would say "I'm wearing green underwear hahahahah" and then pinch you back
squints [9:40 PM] treske wins
treske [9:40 PM] I hate being pinched. Mitzi, my mother, had a vicegrip
importer [9:40 PM] its a Boston thing I guess
dkataja [9:41 PM] Ok this is about to take a sharp turn
dkataja [9:41 PM] I went back and forth with myself on this one, because sometimes I think the name is awesome
dkataja [9:41 PM] But it's not. You can't invoke this kind of imagery without consequence
dkataja [9:41 PM]

importer [9:42 PM] dumbest band name ever
treske [9:42 PM] If they made this in high school though??? GODS
squints [9:42 PM] Are they surfing ON buttholes or IN buttholes? That's what I never got
treske [9:43 PM] The mechanics are dizzying
importer [9:43 PM] AROUND buttholes?
treske [9:43 PM] OHHHH SHIT. Theory.. They are surfers with mormon parents
squints [9:43 PM] hahahaha
treske [9:43 PM] They were too afraid to go with "Asshole"
squints [9:44 PM] oh i thought you were going to suggest that they found a loophole to keep their surf-ginity
treske [9:44 PM] hahahaha yeah... I wish I had left that ambiguous now
importer [9:45 PM] Can we flip the script with great band names that aren't that good?
treske [9:45 PM] hit us
importer [9:46 PM] oh i dont have one ready hahah
importer [9:46 PM] ill look
treske [9:46 PM] that was some really poor script flipping haha
squints [9:47 PM] you can't flip the script if you have nothing to flip it to
treske [9:47 PM] but I got one of my favorite names ever, and I LIKE his music but he aint the homie
importer [9:47 PM] we can unflip it?
squints [9:48 PM] are you about to say flo rida?
treske [9:48 PM]

treske [9:48 PM] Probs the most OG rap name ever
importer [9:49 PM] Nah man
squints [9:49 PM] wtf treske. one of the most OG rappers
importer [9:49 PM] Grandmaster Flash
importer [9:49 PM] that's the dopest rap name ever
treske [9:49 PM] It is hard for me to love really early hip-hop
treske [9:49 PM] I can like it quite a bit
treske [9:49 PM] but not connect with it as deeply
treske [9:50 PM] But respect to the forefathers
importer [9:50 PM] "The Message"????????
treske [9:51 PM] I know guys... Just a personal thing
squints [9:51 PM] i think this is actually a pretty good topic to revisit at a later date
importer [9:51 PM] Planet Rock????
treske [9:52 PM] You can keep saying songs and I will respect them, but they are not in my canon
importer [9:52 PM] okay ill drop it for now
importer [9:52 PM] but this isnt over
importer [9:53 PM] forget bad name good music
squints [9:53 PM] i feel like this is a much harder topic because if a band has a great name and shitty music, you're not going to remember the great name
importer [9:53 PM] what's the best band/rapper/artist names you can think of?
squints [9:54 PM] hands down minus the bear
dkataja [9:55 PM] Minus The Bear with the album Menos El Oso was an excellent example of how to title things
treske [9:55 PM] that is badass for sure
squints [9:55 PM] you guys all get the name right?
treske [9:55 PM] please explain
importer [9:55 PM] i do not, but i feel like i shouldn't
importer [9:56 PM] *should
squints [9:56 PM] you guys ever see the 70s sitcom, BJ and the Bear?
treske [9:56 PM] lol
squints [9:57 PM] it doesn't hurt they're also one of my favorite bands
importer [9:57 PM] Favorite rapper name for me is between Grandmaster Flash and Del the Funky Homosapien
treske [9:57 PM] Really? Del the Funky Homosapien?
squints [9:58 PM] really? i love del but it's a dumb name. you'll notice i just called him del
treske [9:58 PM] DEJ LOAF
dkataja [9:58 PM] DJ Mustard
importer [9:58 PM] im all about weird names like that
dkataja [9:58 PM] loljk
importer [9:58 PM] MC Ketchup
importer [9:58 PM] jkjkjkjkjkjkjk
importer [9:58 PM] I'm very tired
treske [9:58 PM]

dkataja [9:58 PM] I love the name Jimmy Eat World
treske [9:59 PM] she likes loafers
treske [9:59 PM] SO DEJ LOAF
importer [9:59 PM] Das Racist
treske [10:00 PM] Oh shit... I forgot to mention Rae Sremmurd earlier as terrible
treske [10:00 PM] You guys know why they named themselves that?
importer [10:00 PM] agreed
treske [10:00 PM] Because it's Ear Drummers backward.....
treske [10:01 PM] :expressionless: :expressionless:
dkataja [10:01 PM] SMDH
importer [10:01 PM] that would've been such a cool name if they spelled it forward
importer [10:01 PM] i'm exiting in disgust
dkataja [10:01 PM] you know what else is a pretty cool name involving "ear"?
squints [10:01 PM] ok we're done