The Earhole Guide To National Pride

Today is St. Patrick's Day. Whether or not St. Patrick's Day is dumb* is a debate for another time, but one thing is for sure: if you're not Irish, it's really silly to pretend you are. Come on, people; celebrate yourself.

*It is.

Irish people are awesome: they're fun, they're hard-working, and they've seen some shit. And if you're not Irish-American, it's stupid to celebrate that. And even if you are Irish-American, there are some parts you don't have to put yourself through, like eating boiled cabbage or listening to the Dropkick Murphys.

Here's the thing people forget: you don't need a holiday to tell you it's okay to get blackout drunk. You can do that any day of your life. It's an attitude you find within yourself, not on the pages of a calendar or the memories of someone else's ancestors.

You don't even have to wear green today. If you're over the age of 7 and someone is pinching you for not wearing green, either you've really screwed up the acquaintance-making portion of your adult life, or someone is flirting with you in literally the shittiest way possible.

No, today you don't have to pretend to be Irish. Today is about you. In order to help you celebrate your own unique heritage, I've put together an international list of songs so you can hopefully find something of your own to be proud of that isn't the Dropkick Murphys.

Yes, I realize this is is super pointless and that nobody is going to learn anything about their culture from this article alone. This article is a hollow ruse to troll Porter for liking the Dropkick Murphys, which he does for some reason. Let me have this.

Even if you are for-realsies Irish or Irish-American, just listen to The Pogues like an adult. You're better than the Dropkick Murphys. You're better than that, Ian Porter.

I am sorry.